How often do you wake up in a bad mood? Now, how often do you wake up in a bad mood and let that mood effect your whole day? Maybe you woke up feeling awesome then something happened and you were like – fuuuuuuuuuuck, that’s it, day’s ruined. Maybe you woke up feeling tired and over the course of the day severe exhaustion set in and that’s it- the most unproductive day ever!
It is so easy to let the negative affect our positive! I feel like before a few years ago i used to let things really affect me – if i woke up after having planned an outfit and it suddenly rained i’d be like well that’s today fucked then!
Now however, no matter how i feel, no matter what time of the day – i try and cultivate a mindset of positivity. Let me show you how…
Where does your mood come from?
Moods are the product of a culmination of many different things – health, food habits, wellness, physical situations – like the weather, people, environments and where we focus our attention. They can also be created due to emotions and feelings that we have during the day.
Emotions – these are chemicals released in our brains as the result of a trigger. They start in the brain but they effect our entire body. So for example, when people get stressed they release cortisol which is a hormone – this was awesome when we lived in more wild settings and for situations where fight or flight becomes necessary. However, in our day to day – high levels of stress can cause havoc on our bodies!
Feelings – these are reactions to emotions. They again affect our brain and our bodies. Feelings can last for as long as you are willing to let them!
Emotions and feelings are key elements of how our mood is day to day. It is normal for example that if you wake up and look out the window and see torrential rain that you are going to get a rush of chemicals to make you feel a range of emotions like sadness, disappointment, frustration. This can then affect your mood. You start your day feeling a whole bunch of negative emotions.
Another example might be a fight with a loved one – you have an exchange of words (or perhaps no words at all!) and you again have a release of chemicals in your brain and you start to feel a range of emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, pain, frustration. Again, this is going to affect your mood.
How do you start to change your mood?
As with most negative things in our life – making a change takes a bit of hard work. It is too easy to allow negative situations, people and emotions fuel the rest of our day/week/month. It is a process of removal, understanding and action that starts to change how emotions and feelings stop affecting our mood.
Don’t get me wrong – if someone pisses you off, or hurts you then your immediate reaction is going to be ouch – you are very rarely going to be like ‘whatever’ straight away and if you are – then it could be an underlying psychological issue that might need to be addressed!
But here are some easy, quick and sure fire way to start to cultivate an environment within yourself that can help you change your mood!
- Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel – this is important because in order to heal effectively you need to be aware of all that you feel to ensure that when you get to the understanding and action you are actually addressing what’s wrong and not just the top layer of feeling/emotion
- Removal-what i like to suggest to clients is to physically remove any issue from out of your brain onto a piece of paper/phone/tablet/whatever. This stops the issue from getting even bigger than it needs to be and for us to stop obsessing over it because it is now a real issue. Also psychologically, by removing it from your head – you can start to actually deal with it.
- Understanding – now is the time to work out why you feel the way you do. What has made you feel that way – write it all down, don’t be shy! You could ask yourself the following questions… a) why do i feel the way i do? b) why have i allowed this situation/person to make me feel like this? c) has this happened before? d) what has been my part to play in this situation?
- Action – what can i now do about this situation? Now that i can see the full extent of the situation on paper, what can i start to do today to shift this mindset?
If i’m ever upset about something, or stressed, or frustrated or whatever, i sit down with my journal and just get it all out on paper. Sometimes i read back and i’m like woah there moany – but a lot of the time it’s the most theraputic action because it relates to YOU. You are in control of the situation now, the removal of that thought in your head, the understanding of how this affects YOU and what YOU want to do about it.
I read a quote on IG the other day that said – if i tell you you’ve hurt me, it’s not your decision to decide that you didn’t. We live in a society that is frantically consumed with everyone else – what a liberating, soulful and selfish way to focus on ourselves.
You will always play a part in your mood
I just want to reiterate something here that is very important – with any situation, you will have had a part to play in it. It is up to you, in order for you to grow to understand how you played that part, how it helped to escalate the issue and what you can do to make sensible actions on both sides of the equation.
Here are two examples to help you understand what i mean.
Issue: You’re at work, there is a man in the office who is a right prat with you – seriously sexist, overwhelming and rude. It makes you feel stressed waking up in the morning, when you go to bed at night you are consumed with the feelings towards this man and having to work together.
Solution: Get this situation out of your head. Write it down – work out why this man is making you feel like this. Perhaps his actions go right against your values, perhaps you’ve dealt with domineering men all your life and this is just another example. Perhaps you are in an abusive relationship and so you’re dealing with shit at home and now at work too. Perhaps you feel demotivated as you don’t have enough support from your managers. Perhaps you don’t feel like you have a voice, something you’ve struggled with your whole life.
YOU: Take a step back and think about how you have helped this man treat you the way he does. Do you find yourself quieten down when there are domineering people around? Do you not know how to find your voice? Do you constantly find yourself surrounded by bullying men? Do you not know how to set boundaries? Do you place value on yourself? Do you dismiss your values in order to seem appeasing or to get the job of your dreams? Do you know how to put worth on the values that are at the heart of who you are?
Issue: You have a dear friend, but time after time you find them dismissing you, making you question yourself, they constantly make you the scapegoat for issues in their own life and make you feel small and stupid.
Solution: Again, get this situation out of your head. Write it down – why is this friend making you feel the way you do. Write down all of the sabotaging things that they are doing.
YOU: Now take a step back from the issue and understand how you are contributing to the friend treating you this way. Are you like this with everyone in your life or just with them? Do you need to work on your boundaries? Do you take their negativity and feel low when you come away from an interaction with them? Ask yourself why you need this friend in your life – it is necessity, your past or feeling the need for validation? Do you idolise them in some way? Does this behaviour serve you and them?
This is a challenging thing to make yourself aware of but will ultimately serve you and them when you start to recognise not only their behaviour but also your own!
If you would like some help with boundaries, creating an environment where you are in control of your mood day to day then get in touch with me today!